Parting is such sweet sorrow.

... or something like that.

Today was our very last class for the entire semester. It is definitely bittersweet. The last topic of conversation was on divorce, remarriage, and aging. Here are merely a few things that were interesting new insights that I didn't know or had not thought of before.

Some of the challenges that we talked about when entering a step family relationship are:

-Discipline- Who does it? Step parent or biological parent? If not the step-parent at first, when?

-Routines- "My family did it this way and your family does it a different way."

-Taking charge- Step parent or biological parent?

-Getting along - Pretty self explanatory :)

-"My reality" to a new reality - getting used to having other people around that you aren't accustom to.

Within all step families, and remarriages that is likely to be baggage. Children are often referred to as the "baggage" that comes from remarriage; however, that is not the entire package. Other sources of baggage can include--- previous grief, conflict patterns, guilt, resentment, anger, and denial. There are many more that we could name, but those are only a few.

The way to lighten the load of this baggage is COMMITTMENT. Committment lightens the load, along with knowledge of skills. Nothing can be done without knowledge and skills, if you really think about it. Well, nothing can be done effectively without knowledge and skills. :)

An interesting statistic we learned from studies discussed in class said that 70% of couples who were previously married said they could have\should have saved their first marriage. How interesting is that? You would think that most people who enter into a new marriage understand what went wrong in the previous one, and would know how to prevent it from happening the 2nd marriage. But, unfortunately what we find, as referenced in class, is that the same problems in the first marriage carry into the second marriage. The likelihood of them divorcing the second marriage becomes higher. Crazy, right?

Within every marriage there are misunderstandings and misperceptions that occur. Anything is an adjustment. But as you strive to do your best and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt, positive thoughts and positive feelings will come. In fact, thinking positive, appreciative thoughts about your spouse helps in issue and problem solving.

Did you know that when a step parent comes into the picture, it is important for the children to develop a healthy "uncle" or "aunt" relationship with them first? In a book called Treating the Remarried Family by Sager, he suggests that this is the best way. The biological parent should do majority of the discipline. That makes perfect sense right? The Aunt or Uncle is usually the fun loving family member who is supportive, but doesn't really come down hard on you like a parent would. It is a smart way of looking at it too. Just some food for thought.

All of the topics we have discussed this semester are extremely eye opening. I cannot tell you every little detail that we learned. That would take the space of who knows how long to describe! Everything we were taught by Brother Williams has only made me appreciate and strengthen my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. There is no way that it cannot be true.

We are constantly striving for the divine. Sometimes what seems natural is not divine.... so striving for that is what makes this life so worth while. It's what makes the trials worthwhile. It makes family worthwhile. It makes studying these topics that much more intriguing. In the light of the gospel all things make sense. As Brother Williams said in our very last class:

"If we forget the divine, the Adversary has already won."