Family Stress and Crisis

This week in Family Relations we focused our discussions on stresses in the family and how that effects coping strategies of the individual, and the family as a unit. Being human, we all have stresses every day that we wouldn't normally think affect the over all well-being of our entire family. Just think of it like the circle of life, everything is connected. Thus, stress can be related to the domino effect. One thing can lead to another and make the entire system collapse-- much like the dominoes set up in a particular sequence.

A stance I wish to take on for this week, is that stress is value neutral, meaning it isn't incidentally all good or all bad. Stress is a perceived situation that we turn into a very large problem, or that we handle well and turn into a good situation. It all depends on perspective and your own perceptions on a given situation.


Robert and Jeanette Lauer, authors of the book Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy, say that "You can't control all of the things that happen in your life, but you can control the way you respond to them" (p.299). They proceed to emphasize that this doesn't mean all your stresses will go away, or that you will avoid all the trauma that can come with family crisis, but you will be better able to cope with the stress when it comes, as well as allow that experience to become a positive, long-term, changing experience for the future.

Did you know the Chinese characters for CRISIS include the symbol for Danger and Opportunity?

How appropriate are those two character symbols linked together! Stress suggests a temporary change in our daily lives. That change may put us into danger, be it emotional, physical, temporal, spiritual, or mental danger. And how we choose to deal with that danger determines the opportunity we have of coping, growing, and learning from that experience. How cool is that! Bet you never saw a Crisis to be so opportune, did you? Pretty neat stuff, eh?

Lauer's book continues to explain several different ways of effective coping when under stress or in the middle of a crisis (p. 303-304). Their guidelines include:

1. Taking responsibility. "Taking responsibility means not only that you will not deny or avoid the problem or blame others, but also that you will not play the victim game."
2. Affirm Your Own and Your Family's Worth. "It is important to believe in yourself and in your ability to deal with difficult situations in order to be effective in a crisis.
3. Balance Self-concern with Other-Concern. "A crisis tends not only to attack our self-esteem but also to throw us into self-absorption. . . Dealing effectively with a crisis requires a healthy amount of both self-concern and other-concern on the part of at least some, and ideally all, family members.
4. Learn the Art of Reframing. Reframing- is redefining the meaning of something. Reframing is NOT denial. "It is based on that fact that people can look at any situation in various ways."
5. Find and Use Available Resources. This can include religious beliefs that give us an eternal perspective (my personal favorite), family members themselves for emotional support, and our own personal strengths that help us cope with problems. This can also include "therapists, books, friends, and self-help groups."

"Effective coping is facilitated by developing family strengths" (p. 306). You always here there there is strength in numbers, and that definitely means your family numbers! I know that every family deals with stress in a different way. I am not here to profess that my family is perfect at coping. Nobody really is. I do know that the best way we have been able to cope with crisis is through the saving principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. All things are possible through Him. All things can be conquered through him and boy is that a huge comfort to me. Go home and hug your family members, because they are awesome.

Keep calm and be stress free! :)